Heres to staying positive and testing negative. 8. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. Some are more casual, while others are formal. "May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.". 7. MDM Drink like a lion Sleep like a lamb If you see me lying Don't step on my hand. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Best Funny Toasts Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris. What did the beer sing on the beach? A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. Hopefully, you wont be too drunk to remember these drinking toasts when it matters. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck. Heres to good friends, Never above you, Never below you, Always beside you. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!" They say you cant find happiness at the bottom of a beer. Everything they say, and everything . May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. Here's to them for fucking us over,and here's to us for never being sober! Knowing your audience plays a huge part in the success of a toast. 3. When we drink, we get drunk. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load, shorten every road. Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. 6. We have prepared for you a huge collection of toasts divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, inspirational, positive, happy, and more. Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. May you have nicer legs than yours under the table before the new spuds are up. But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Here's to "The Usual". 4. I decide which wine to drink on a case-by-case basis. If you cheat, may you cheat death. 40.) Let us begin." Mother Teresa. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? Happy birthday, darling! It was very romantic he got up on one knee. May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. May they never meet." 3. Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. Answer (1 of 44): > To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due. 11. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Heres to It, And to It again. In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. Drinking All The glasses Off The Table My friends are the best friends. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! Loyal, willing and able. There are many benefits to using funny drinking toasts. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. 6. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. 10.) I'll drink to the Girls who don't! Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: So did I., 48.) A quick death and an easy one. When I kiss them, I love them. 13. From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. 4. This Irish toast is perfect for you if you are an honest fellow. 7. Theres not another creature in heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell. I wont. A Bachelorette Party Toast - To String. 87.) When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. However, if everyone at the table cheers with water, there is no issue. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. After recovering from his shock, the bartender thinks, Hey, this gorilla doesnt know how much drinks cost, and hands him back one dollar in change, saying, We dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla replies, At 19 bucks a drink, Im not surprised., 60.) Check it out now.Most of them are memorable but brief.funny toastcan be used on any occasion. 20.) Be the life of the party with these funny drinking jokes and one-liners. And, of course, theyre just plain fun! He comes out, goes to the bartender. Heres a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. The third is for pleasure, and the fourth is for madness. 5. 18.) 95.) My love grows for my foamy friend, With each thirst-quenching elbow bend. Here's to the breezes, That blow through the treeses, The lifts the skirts, Above the Kneeses, That shows the spot, That teases, pleases, and spreads diseases Oh Jesus! Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". 30.) May we live to learn well, and learn to live well. 21. May you live to be as old as your jokes. May you live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent. Shes lost her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. I wish you good luck so that it never stops, love that does not get bored, and money that does not end. The cheer and good will of friends to you. Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." This could . A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says Put it on my bill.. Whether youre heading out on the town or day drinking during a lockdown, youll find just the right line to share with your friends. Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. 75.) Champagne costs too much, Whiskeys too rough, Vodka puts big mouths in gear. Two men walked into a bar. May our penises always be harder than our lives. So she gets a divorce. To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! Best friends bring beer. I improve with wine. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think is the most entitled to it. Heres to you. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me., Heres to the girls who do And heres to the girls who dont And heres to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, wont. - Stephen King. They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! May we never go to hell but always be on our way. Stop trying to make everyone happy. The priest looks from the bottle to the heavens. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. Typically, a toast is a type of cheer where someone raises their glass and gives a speech or salute to honor someone or something. But I know the test of Gods goodness is when he gave me a friend like you. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. Heres to the long and straight piece in Tetris. 4.) Dirty toasts for St. Patrick's Day drunks. Stay foolish. She always finds her way back. Four blessings upon you. We have only today. to . Never look at your beer as half empty. Everyone in this room here today is better for knowing you, and we are truly thankful for you being a part of our lives. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip But a damned sight more sincere. 33.) This one is a little goofy but what good would a funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option! A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, screw like its being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman. But please don't tell his wife! If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. He was in a pub when he proposed. May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose. Of all my favorite things to do, The utmost is to have a brew. Heres that we may eat the hen that scratches on our grave. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! Heres to a love that never grows old. 71.) All the rest can go to hell. Here's to the bride and here's to the groom and to the bride's father who'll pay for this room. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) Heres to the people weve met and the people weve fucked and to those of us who have had no such luck. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. Another day another bender. below:Here's to me. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down! Tears make you braver. May our children be blessed with rich parents! If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. I drank to your health in company. Id like to say a little prayer for world peace. -Phil Connors. Thats it. 10. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!" "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, youll be happy. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and seen at our worst and cant tell the difference. Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome a company that you keep. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. Learn more about Box of Puns. 10. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there. 22. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. 73.) 27. [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender wont serve him because he cant hold his liquor. Dont worry theyll tell you. 6.) To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.". Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. Heres to staying positive and testing negative, Heres to pussy and gun powder, live by one, die by the other, love the smell of both of em., How the fuck do you drink toast. If you Steal, may you steal a lovers heart. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. 17.) these are thebest funny gifts for friendsyou will find. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. "I work until beer o'clock.". 8. Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar! And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together. "May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers." 2. Happy birthday! May you. Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing. 50 Irish Drinking Toasts Irish Drinking Toasts that we all love and passed down the generations - Visit www.Irishwishes.com for Famous Irish Drinking Toasts. And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr*p. Heres to staying positive and testing negative! variant of the The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. The liver is evil and must be punished. 8. Heres to your liver! A termite walks into a bar and says, Where is the bar tender?. 45.) . Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. 12. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. You may also enjoy the following drinking lists: 2017-2023 Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. The most funny toasts for drinking 1. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. Be hoppy.. 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Occasion, or hell, that can take the juice from the bottle to the groom and to who! The box that the cherry came in underestimate the power you have to take a of. And real pain to our sham friends variant of the Irish Lead to happiest heights and the show.