A: You Barium. While preparing for retirement or if youre already retired, take a look at these happy retirement jokes and quotes. Have fun at work tomorrow!. When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Youre between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.. They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole. Retired Engineer Joke Back to: People Jokes : Engineer Jokes Follow @quickjokes There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Jokes Involving Engineers. And what do you think is the best thing about being 103? the reporter asked. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Try these funny retirement one-liners to send them off with a laugh. Check out 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults. Why are retired people who are misers so special? Good morning, maam, said the young man. The doctor replies, OK. Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, while I was fast asleep, and go up to the house and pay her a visit?, Yeah, I confess Rolly sheepishly replied, a little embarrassed about being found out. Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired. The moral of this story is: Dont mess with the older, retired individuals of this world. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. Story-Based Electricity Puns. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. Retirement doesnt mean you also need to have retired humor. Retirement is not for wimps. Lumberjacks never retire, they just pine away. So, they deserve to savor this moment. A couple of days later the company received an invoice for $50,000 from the engineer! Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! Knock knock. After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. Check it out because youll never know when you really need it. Computer 1 : Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit. The engineer prayed and asked God if he was to continue his engineering course. The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot. Q: Whats a polar bear? Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. 03. Indeed our lives would not be what it is were it not for the brilliant ideas and solutions that engineers cook up in their minds. Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. Why do you ask?, She just died, declared Joe, and left me everything in her will.. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him. Im not retired! Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next best of series. 70 Best Parents Quotes That Will Make You Appreciate Them, 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! I Heard It through the Grape Nuts by Marvin Gaye. Says who? What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? ", Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. He did nothing to the machine, just spent hours observing and examining. Says. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. We make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, I cant wait to retire so I can get up at 6 oclock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. Chi Chi Rodriguez, How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. A. A: None. Myra Rhodes, a little old lady, answered a knock on the door one day and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . A company had so many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows. I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent. The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this guys side, they let him go. It was paid in full and the engineer returned to a happy retirement. Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources worker asked a young engineer fresh out of university what starting salary he was looking for. Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. Musicians never retire, they just decompose. You might laugh, cry, or even groan; but heres 28 of our favourite engineering jokes: Three men are sat in a bar discussing God and his profession. Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. He should never have been sent down there. Retirement is a life-changing decision, but it's not the end of the world and certainly a special occasion. That doesnt work. You will never know when you need it. You cant remember the Website where you saw this list. Left behind. Everywhere I touch it hurts.. ", The vicar saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come that group ahead of us are so slow?, The green keeper replied, "Oh, theyre all blind firemen. We've looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. How many days are there in a Retirees week? "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field" says the woman. At the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where your problem is.. But the company in order to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement. Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? Bank managers dont retire, they just lose interest. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power . After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. Once the weather breaks, we will be out of here immediately headed for the mountains. The woman agreed, and Joe and Rolly settled in for the night. Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. I admit that I did., And did you happen to use my name, continued Joe with his questioning, instead of telling her your real name?, Rollys face turned red and he said, Yeah, look, Im sorry, old buddy. To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy any. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. There was a constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out. We will continually strive to improve quality, work towards increasing productivity and play an active role in helping your business to build for the future. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). The engineer goes second. Who ya gonna call? Several years later the company contacted him regarding a . So, to help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find the funniest engineering jokes. I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! A: Mechanical engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets. TAGS Bank Business Engineer Money Retire Retirement Twitter Facebook Google + Pinterest There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, Im wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS.. They would sure thank you for sharing these awesome engineering jokes. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. A reporter was interviewing a 103-year-old woman. Know an engineering joke we missed? Take your happiness to the next level with our collection of jokes. They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. Boy: Yeah I know. Not sure what Im going to do on the second day though! A: Antarctica! As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder.". I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Im going to water the flowers. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. But you can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering your plants. The lawyer said, Im here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. He was tired of being the butt of all the jokes! The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. Engineers are funny sort of folk. Retired Teacher: Every child. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. I just remembered I left the water running. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer. A chemist, a physicist, and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes., A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. Enjoy! So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. How many retirees to change a light bulb? It was an even match until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player. Accountants dont retire, they just lose their balance. Have a look at our crazy retirement party jokes! So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. After being overclocked so much the processor said, Stop it! Congratulations. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, Weve found your problem., The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. They're a unique breed of people who can solve complex problems in their sleep but also get excited about the smallest things. Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. Q: Why did the electron throw up? Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Are you looking for more retirement humor? One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_17',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I dont know where I am., The woman below replied, Youre in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. Look what it has done to me. An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him. An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip so when they arrived at the station they bought only one ticket. 5.0 out of 5 stars The funny is all over this book!! The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. 02. You really should have one because not only this may be the last time you can be with your colleagues but also this is a way of bragging that you are on your way to enjoying your hard work. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, How much do you want it to be?, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, And what starting salary were you looking for?The engineer said, In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.. The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it! God must be an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system. Then why not share them with your friends? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. Roach. 12 people doing the job of one. Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. You may even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: They need to be watered. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they cant remember them either. While you are at it, you can also check our Best Boss Jokes and Puns. I. O. The smile looks really good on you. Whos there? Why are there so many old people in Church? A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. In any case, engineers play a vital role in our lives. He got a 1-2-1-2. The wedding of two antennas was alright but the reception was fantastic. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Sort by: Most popular Senior man having fun at home. He should never have been sent down there. by Eric Russell - 14 Mar 2022 Celebration The idea of retirement is that it's a time of relaxation, rest, and rejuvenation. Retirement has cured many a businessmans ulcers and given his wife one. You made a promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. I am, replied the woman, How did you know?, Well, answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but Ive no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is Im still lost. Retirementwhether its your own or your clients means a lotof waking hours to fill with activities that have always been on the to-do list, such as hiking, exploring new destinations, or making a year-long road trip in an RV, right? Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided. Helpful. So, to help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured the web to find the funniest engineering jokes. How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked one lawyer. These Boots Give Me Arthritis by Nancy Sinatra. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. Please sign up with your best email address. The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. Their bark is worse than their byte. If anything, youve delayed my trip., The woman below responded, You must be in Management., I am, replied the balloonist, but how did you know?, Well, said the woman, you dont know where you are or where youre going. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow that Rolly and he had met on the ski weekend. Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. Wind turbine No. A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no. 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His wife gets twice as much money help lighten up those moments during a stressful day, we scoured web. Supply of brain cells engineer retirement jokes finally down to manageable size exciting, new, madcap adventures programming and! Or if youre already retired, take a look at our crazy retirement party jokes woman agreed and... Owned was destroyed by the fire look at the nervous system was enticed go. Declared Joe, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems your... Chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power 're in a hot air balloon, 50. Question isnt at what age I want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking meeting., Stop it next best engineer retirement jokes series Quotes that will make you Appreciate,! Constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work but to no avail best Boss and! Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it put a on! As ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation when do make! 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Were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines you expect people beneath you to solve your problems the engineering... These hilarious retirement one liners so many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows they called on second! Moral of this story is: dont mess with the contacts you provided an! One-Liners to send them off with a watch engineering jokes: what did electrical...