Give him the time he needs or this will not work. My husband re-tensioned the retaining spring & Peter replaced it on the wheel, thanking my husband. I have been married for a year I love my husband we have a 6 yr old and a nine month old ..but are relationship has been going down hill since I found out I was pregnant with the baby I found out he was on heroin and it had taken over I moved us into a different area to help him stop drugs but know i feel like all the weight is on me and im looking for another job when my husband is doin nothing can hardly ever watch my boys and I have been thinking abut having sex with other men Im just so confused hurt and stressed out Christmas is coming and all we do is argue its really affecting the kids I think its making the baby mean and he could carless about buying our kids colthes and I know Christmas is out the question from him I dont know what to do I keep kicking him out but by us being married he doesnt have leave I feel so depressed sad and used. I am on the opposite side of the fence from you. I figured out by 80% she moved on. He has broken every promise outside that. She admitted being with a guy for 7 years because he took care of her every need and she didnt have to work. and for the past 5 years I lived a life where I was scared to leave the house unless necessary out of fear of having another attack. There are a lot of emotions here that need to be examined, understood, regulated, and possibly changed. Am I being unreasonable to want the steps outlined in your article to be articulated by our therapist? I dont know what to do. To fall back in love, you have to start giving. I am 26 and he is 28 years old. That is no help. I wish I were at a place in my marriage where Id be willing to give it an attempt. But in a sexy way. Were you afraid of him? Im the type of person that I dont really like to open up but with him being my best friend and fiance I always thought I could. He has been and so far will always be the one for me. (BTW this guy is just as guilty because he knew she was not single). And I forgot to mention his mother who is battling depression and drinking is also living in the home to try and work on getting better as well though it has not been working which is adding to his stress and his want to drink. She is used to just keeping things inside, and I think she is finally full and its starting to seep out of the cracks. The responsibility of caring for the human being you brought into this world should be your first and top priority. Hi Dr. Deb, I added a comment on September 7th, 2016. Its possible for a person to make mistakes in life we all do- but if we LEARN from them, were better than we were before. That I am to blame. Actually, that is the good part. He realised she did like me. You are a good-hearted person and you hate to see someone suffer. What should I do every time she goes out, my heart breaks. I am concerned about his behavior when hes away. Now dont get me wrong. I will ask if I need helpand his parents had to approve the house we bought! Love = Giving. He has admitted that he does indeed still love me but in my gut I know that it is his parents and some other family members who have probably forbid him to ever see or talk to me ever again. Perhaps you need to work a bit on your own sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. Im still stuck back at the moment you walked into his LR and he did not hug and kiss you and say to the other girl, Here is my girlfriend, Carmen. And why was she his wallpaper if she just came to visit his mother? We broke up. And i really do miss him so much with all my heart and soul. And am trying to get him to seek help. Maybe youve been married a long time. On the other hand, your continued acceptance of him is actually coming across to him as a green light to continue his behavior no matter what he does. Many people can try to give you this message but it doesnt work with other people. Hi Craig I cant control it but thats what Im working on right now. As he drew away from me , I confronted him to what was really wrong with him, he told me he fell out of love with me. Hi Dr, thanks for replying back. Hi Vicky It's also exhausting for the couple, but they're . Thats how men were raised in our culture hide your feelings so YOU dont even know what they are. its been a year now and things have improved but i dont feel we have restored the connection again. Now I know love is serious but we were serious, even though we havent been together as long as others our relationship blossomed straight away. The next day, she doesnt want to talk to me, but when she does, she said she read the email multiple times and I get the impression she felt I was letting her go. He told me a few nights ago he doesnt love me anymore. I resent him. How does one fall in love again? He has even threatened to call the police if I come by his house again, its like hes the devil now. You need to understand your feelings so that you can both honor them (ie, not sweep them under the rug) and deal with them in a healthy way. This is the reason why I decided to travel alone. Well to trim down on all the details we are now civil but she has run to the arms of our first childs biological father. but he kept saying we would marry though he didnt mean it. I strongly believe life will be good to me. Mostly with me but he says its pervasive in his life now. This ring is normally purchased prior to the proposal, and its really unique unity candle ideas purpose is to aligned with her wedding ring. sometimes crying myself to sleep and asking what happen to us.everytime i face him, i would hear the words he say.sadness really overwhelms me. Or does it seem like he just wants to do other women? We are both in our early 20s and I think Im too young to have this kind of stress in my life and so is he. For sure though, do not start a new relationship when youre in an old one. And now I now I want to hurry up and fix my prombles out with him. Im giving up on trying!? We fell right back into old patterns. Good luck everyone out there!!! I dont want to talk this to death with him, and I dont think theres anything else I can say. I have shut people out but it takes a bloody lot more than that and at least has warning! I am truly afraid that the damage has been done and that we will not make it through this, but I refuse to give up on me, on her or on us. i didnt know what to do because his drinking was out of hand and the kind of trouble he was getting into made me worry about all of us. Do you think theres still a chance for us? He has plenty of friends and family that he can talk to (even older male friends that he said he looks up to) , and many of them have talked to him about our situation, but I dont know if he truly has listened to them. Let me answer your last question first: is he going to marry her and live happily ever after no, he wont. Im bothered by his lack of compassion, not your lack of listening. I made some mistakes of my own in the last couple years and sought happiness elsewhere with an affair with a close friend. Every since then Ive been focusing on myself and allowing myself to heal. ( I asked about every detail) I dont know if its my mistake for wanting to know everything they did and how they did it but I see it in my head, constantly. It needs therapy. What hurt was that he completely ignored me. I also am glad you are going to start counseling. If she really loves you, why does she want to date other people? You must remind these things to yourself every day because you have no reason to be desperate. He has walked away from all of them. I so crushed and heartbroken right now. Is there any hope? Thank you. I am so confused. Mostly, theyre just for fun and the fun gets old with the same partners so people switch. This article really hit home. He bought a fancy car and started dressing really nice. So, to me, the only time a person who has cheated can say they changed is when these issues are A. understood clearly, B. dealt with emotionally, C and the person has new tools for coping when the bad feelings come over them. Im trying to get the feelings back? You need to BOTH make an effort to give to one another. It all started when she was barely letting me see my son then she would tell me I have to give her half my paychecks or will go to court. Ive tried to tell him this but he doesnt seem to get it, he just replied Dont say that! Or you want to take action, but also remain passive. I was in shock I think, I think im still in shock. You are clear that your ex- is using you but you fall into the trap again and again. This will NOT go away, so your boyfriend needs short-term but very intense therapy directed to correcting this BEFORE you can forgive him. Good luck with turning that around. Hes the first person Ive truly loved and treated me correctly. He decided while he was in his truck to start a dating profile. WE literally had a wonderful six months before this one fight. How can I forgive someone who isnt there and supporting you when your having a hard time grieving? We were both very much in love. Blame? We have shared our heart breaks and our dislikes such as the detest for liars. But he meant what he was saying and weve been back together for about 5 months and ive had some uneasy feelings. I also try to reduce communication with her. I dont know if it was planned or not, doesnt matter. Idk where to start. What is going on?? Through lots of introspection, Ive answered my own questions and concerns. But one night i got really drunk, and Im a mean drunk. It is akin to noticing how your child is improving in math or picking up a language. And how do I know that hes not going to do this to me again? Ive been engaged since January and we were happy as ever. God can heal this and change your partners heart. Im writing this to say that the advice on this website worked. It is not GOOD, but it is normal. My whole life I have wanted to find someone Who cared about me just for me. But, what good will it do? If your career really is more important, youll only hurt her again. Before I lose him. I had been clean for over a decade. He started to act like his father. Instead, when we start a relationship in a state of being somewhat on empty then instead of looking for what we can give to the other person, we are always feeling in some way neglected and missing something. My partner has told me that it is not his problem that I dont like his friend and he would hang out with her whenever he wants to. please give me some ideas i am lost dont know what to do thank you again for answer my desperate email good bless you !you are given me hope thanks again. I recently discovered my husband has been talking to another women over the internet, through video chats, and text messaging on his phone. 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